3 REASONS SEX IS BETTER WITHOUT PORN
Let's talk about sex
and intimacy in marriage. Have you ever thought that your sex life could be
better and your intimacy level could be deeper? How about the thought of using
porn to try to achieve those things?
My husband and I thought that porn was
okay at one point, but it didn't work. Pornography is out of the picture and
our sex life and intimacy couldn't be better. Because sex is better without
porn.
Here are three reasons why:
1. Freedom
When pornography takes hold of your
life, it becomes a locked cage in terms of what you think sex should be. I had
a set thinking about sex because of porn, where I used to think I had to look
and act a certain way to have good sex. Porn gave me a performance mindset that
put pressure on the way we had sex, and that mindset became worse over time.
Pornography desensitizes you to where
you always feel you must be doing more in order to satisfy your spouse. I
remember getting to the point of trying my best to imitate the flavor of the
week. I didn't enjoy it. I felt nothing but shame. But I did it because I
thought that was what my husband wanted.
Now that we have chosen recovery, God,
and each other, there is freedom in the bedroom. I can breathe! I'm
able to be myself. I don't feel the pressure of performance or standards and my
confidence has had a huge boost. I don't have to worry that my husband won't
love me if I don't perform like a porn star — he loves me just the way I am.
I also know that he enjoys the sex more
now because he's not comparing. He is able to bask in the glory of something
that is uniquely ours. Because of all of that, I am able to just let go and
purely enjoy the moment, which obviously makes for better sex.
2. Selflessness
Porn is selfish in nature. Think about
it; why do you look at porn? Plain and simple: instant gratification.
Gratification that is gained through no means of sacrifice or compromise, just
selfishness.
When my husband was watching porn,
there was definite selfishness in the bedroom. Having sex was more about how to
please him and less about how to please each other. I felt used. I began to
resent every time that we would have sex. Even worse, I began to resent my
husband. It was awful. There was no feeling of love or mutual gain — it was
just selfish.
With porn no longer in our lives, sex
has become more about the both of us. We are both wanting to be intimate with
one another. I cannot get enough of my husband! There is less selfishness and
more selflessness. We put each other first. Sex is no longer about taking, it's
about giving.
We don't expect perfection. We don't
expect imitation; it is just us, as we are, wanting to show our love for each
other. There is no better sex than when both people are serving each other.
3. Real Connection
Porn seemed to suck the life out of our
intimate connection. When it came to sex, I didn't feel like he could even see
me. I felt like an object. I built up a wall that wouldn't allow me to connect.
I constantly wondered whom he was comparing me to. Eventually, I stopped
feeling anything at all. Now that was horrible sex. Who wants to have sex with
someone who is so lifeless, so dull?
Since we kicked porn to the curb, we
have this authentic vulnerability. We have grown closer through having sex. Now
that is an awesome feeling!
I no longer yearn for deeper
connection; now we see each other. All the fakeness that pornography infringed
upon us is gone. We're able to talk to one another about what is working and
what's not. (Which, duh, learning what the other person likes makes sex a whole
lot better!) We are able to be open with one another.
There is no embarrassment if something
silly happens; we just laugh. There is no shame. No shame at all. Sex without
shame and embarrassment is incredible! It is the sex life that God intended.
Our culture lies when it comes to porn.
Porn is selfish. Your sex life doesn't have to be. Don't buy into the lies —
sex is better without porn. If you want to have a deeper connection,
selflessness, and freedom in the bedroom, kick porn out! My husband and I did
and the outcome is enormous joy. We had no idea what we were missing. I
couldn't ask for a better spouse or a better sex life.
By Melissa Ruff
Source:
The Christian Post
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